he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
