i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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