You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize
