I puked a lego.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
