my phone needs a breathalizer
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
