She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
