im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
