i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
