peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
