Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
