Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
