I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
