I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize