why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
