Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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