you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
