We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A+ Viking dick
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
