Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
