I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
