my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
