my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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