eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
