Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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