Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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