Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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