My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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