hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
