my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
