just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
