somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
