You don't have asthma, your pregnant
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
