I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
