we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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