so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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