You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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