I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
