Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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