I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
