someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
