thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
