Just fell off a train. Bad.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
