check it out our google latitudes are spooning
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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