so that wasnt chicken after all
he thought i was a dude.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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