that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
