Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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