Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
