Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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