I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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