apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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