i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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