She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
