So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
